|
We'll begin with a box, and the
plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural
of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone
mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is
houses, not hice. If the
plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural
of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and showed
you my feet, and I gave you a boot, would a pair be called
beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why
shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three
would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and
the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a
brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we
never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are
he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some other reasons to be
grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1.) The bandage was wound
around the wound.
2.) The farm was used to produce produce.
3.) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4.) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7.) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the
present.
8.) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of
a bass drum.
9.) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10.) I did not object to the object.
11.) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12.) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13.) They were too close to the door to close it.
14.) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15.) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16.) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to
sow.
17.) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18.) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got
number.
19.) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20.) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21.) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22.) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess
up your mind! For example...If you have a rough cough,
climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a
crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
pig.
And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you
can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't
preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks
who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it
burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom
isn't Mop?
Now. What was my original
question? |